Mess up with Mess

Mess according to dictionary means ‘dirty and untidy state of condition’ or ‘a confused and problematic situation’.  That is all good but the problem starts when your hostel committee takes this meaning quite sincerely and make a commitment to follow the exact definition. It means a lot to me what is being served in my plate when I am in full mood of giving some time for my most favorite hobby ‘eating’. For some people like me, chewing is the only exercise we perform with a heart full of dedication towards it.

I remember the first day of my college when my father and I went to mess first time. Well that day itself I decided to avoid coming at this SACRED place. All of you already know the condition of mess food so let us don’t waste our time with that and start with the points HOW TO MESS WITH MESS?

>If you don’t like an item getting served more often in a week. Start gossiping around how eating this item so much causes IMPOTENCY.

>Take T-shirts with you, if some item is limited (good items are always limited) change the Tee and get it again.

>Always talk loud in mess, try catching attention of people. Now start bitching about mess manager.

>Eat too much outside, get a stomach upset. Now blame mess food to be the reason.

>Take your pet/stray animal inside the mess. If somebody opposes threaten them that you will call PETA people.

>Take a cockroach or iron nail with you. Suddenly while taking food start shouting that you found it in the food.

>Throw plates here and there and make noise. Tell them this is sound therapy, which helps in increasing your appetite.

>Take an erotic sound track and play it loud (nobody will come this time to oppose you :P).

>Spread a rumor that cook doesn’t wash his hand after using toilet. Try making a fake video.

>Take a friend from other campus, make him act like a food and health officer. Try making money by throwing fines on mess manager.

>Call for a Mass Mess Bunk.

>Buy some rotten tomatoes and eggs from outside, go secretly in the store room and take pictures like they were there only. Post these pictures on notice board and copy to director.

>Run here and there inside the mess making weird sounds. Tell this advised by a doctor for digestion.

>During night paint the walls of mess with lots of abuses. Next day behave you hate the person who did that.

>Scream! Behave as you are about to die due to food chocked inside.

>Take a bottle fill it with water of swimming pool. Now send it as a sample of cooking water to food and health organization of your city.

>Reach mess early. Add lot of salt to the worst items.

>Accuse mess manager to be a black magician, who controls the students by adding something in their food.

>Turn off the power supply to mess, throw away the fuse.

>Chose the table with a person having jar of pickle. Serve lot of pickle in your plate. It will be better if you don’t know the person because he will not say anything. Try out with different people each time.

I have observed many people eating mess food and glorifying it. Number of students visiting this place increases exponentially   during exams. In fact I see some new faces whenever during these days. Thus sometimes causes shortage causes shortage as well (O.o ).
Anyway I myself respect food a lot. There are many unprivileged people who do not even get any food to eat. So disrespecting the food is a sin in my eyes. So I have decided to reduce my visits to mess to avoid any more sin.
If you have some more points please share as comments, I will be grateful to you. :)