The Shrinking Circle

I think everyone, at some age of his life, goes through a phase when s/he feels like removing unwanted people from his life, decreasing the radius of his friend ‘circle’; where s/he intends to keep only those people with whom s/he shares her/his thoughts and feelings. If you are feeling or have felt the same way, then, you may also find yourself in tune with the words to come. If not, I’d rather you still read on because, one day or the other, you may end up in the same spot.

It commenced almost a year ago, when I began finding some people too irritating, too intolerable. Well, I know that the feelings might have been mutual. Anyhow, slowly, each and every thing related to them, big or small, started annoying me, even their activities on Facebook that showed up on my newsfeed. Being left with no other choice, I ‘unfriended’ them (not that we ever were ‘actual friends’, anyway). Secretly, I have this desire to ‘unfriend’ even more people, but I refrain when I think about its long term effects (also, because they are not THAT irritating, YET). So, I simply turn off the “show in newsfeed” option in their profiles.

I began wondering why it was happening. Why, suddenly, the very people I had assumed to be ‘close’ to me had ended up being bothersome to me? Why, suddenly, did they seem insufferable?

After several hours of brainstorming, and, talking to some of my ‘real’ friends, I concluded that the people I found ‘annoying’ had one or more or all of these traits:

1. They are, bluntly put, deceptive. They say something else, and, do something else. Their words do not see eye to eye with their actions.

2. They are too ambitious. Now, don’t get me wrong. Being ambitious is fine. But, like they say, too much of everything... I observed that all that they do, they do for their own interests, even at the cost of others. For me, means never can justify the ends. And, in all honesty, neither their self-centered means nor their self-centered ends are justifiable. Such people are selfish, utterly self-obsessed and full of terrible conceit. They are far removed from basic human values.

3. Some of them just follow the crowd. They follow trends (Twitter trends included :P), blindly. They copy mannerisms, style, anything worth copying, to come across as ‘cool’, ‘cute’, ‘funny’, whatever you will. Nothing is permanent. Imitation, least of all.

4. Then there are people who do not want to be ‘mainstream’. They resort to innumerable antics to seek attention which they so dearly desire, but which hovers on the horizon, out of their grasp, always. Their pathetic attempts win them equally pathetic ‘friends’ (which is, actually, more of a failure). And, hence, ‘not being mainstream’ is ‘too mainstream’ nowadays.

5. They love their ego more than relationships.

6. They have way too many ‘faces’. I discover a new one every time I meet them and have a conversation with them. Their masquerade goes on year long, life long.

7. They present themselves as perfect icons having perfect behavioral skills, clear vision about life, high understanding levels, maturity, etc. Whatever characteristics they have, to whatever the degree (only this funny, only this slim/chubby, only this tall/short, only this outgoing/reserved), that, somehow, is the perfect blend. Anything more or less is a disaster.   

8. They always TELL me that they care for me and that they’d do anything for me. But, when such a situation does arise, they flee.

9. In my past I’ve had bad experiences with them. That bad impression suddenly made itself dominant, triggered by some new action that reeked of their actual selfish self.

10. Some are the ones who have betrayed me in the past, or, I have seen them betraying others often.

11. They are frequent liars. Big fat liars. They don’t even feel guilty when they get caught red-handed. Basically, lying is like a second-nature. Something that they keep doing, day in and day out. No big deal. For them.

12. They call me up and/or ask me how I am only when they want a favor. They do it more often than not, and, are insensitive enough to believe that their hollow “Sorry for the inconvenience. Hope you didn’t mind” or “Thanks” will fool me. Basically, they take me for granted.

13. Every time we converse, they just complain about how things or people around are bad. They don’t seem to know that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones at others.

14. They try too hard to be a part of the inner circle of my friends, even when I clearly tell them that I don’t want them there.

15. They are over-inquisitive about my personal life. Also, they do not respect my privacy and make my personal life a topic of gossip (thanks for helping me empathize with the celebrities, though).

16. Their hypocrisy, sycophancy, their belief that they are infallible, their “holier than thou” attitude makes me revolt.

17. Some of them run too much after ‘limelight’. They don’t realize it’s transient. And, attention on Facebook/Twitter/etc. is the kind of ‘limelight’ they die or would kill for.

18. Some are dumb and they don’t accept it. I am not implying that I am very intelligent. Just that whatever you are, you must have the guts to face it. I am not against people who are dumb. I am no Einstein, either. I, at least, know it. They don’t. They pester me with a false sense of their ‘greatness’, a deep-rooted belief in their own ‘intelligence’. No thanks. I’d rather befriend a hamster.

19. They are intolerant. And, they have this ‘confidence’ that they know everything about everything. Hence, they don’t consider it important to listen to anyone else with a different viewpoint. Also, they talk only about things that interest them. Everything else is boring/useless.

20. Whatever falls outside the purview of the limited understanding of their little minds is full of mistakes, is wrong/bad/immoral/unnecessary/unimportant.

Then there are some people that I just don’t like. No rhyme or reason. I am well aware of the fact that this is not their fault. Nonetheless, everything related to them miffs me. It is similar to my aversion to Bhindi. Nothing is wrong with Bhindi, technically. I personally detest it, that’s all.

I know very well that disliking someone is not something positive. Somewhere deep down, the problem may well be within our own selves. But, at that point of time, I was so disturbed that I decided to take a break and put some distance between myself and them. Good for both the parties as it virtually hurt no one.

I have been trying to find a way to overcome this feeling: trying to look for good qualities in them, even if they are few in number, is one of the best solutions while not being judgemental is another. There are many web pages expatiating on the topic ‘How Not To Let People Annoy You’. However, I haven’t been able to arrive at a completely satisfying method, yet.

If I do happen to discover it, I would probably share that as well. Meanwhile, I’ve found it practical and wise to ‘unfriend’ some of them in my real life lest they create a grave negative impact in future. Like they say, prevention is better than cure.

Edited by: Henna Multani
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