Mess up with Mess

Mess according to dictionary means ‘dirty and untidy state of condition’ or ‘a confused and problematic situation’.  That is all good but the problem starts when your hostel committee takes this meaning quite sincerely and make a commitment to follow the exact definition. It means a lot to me what is being served in my plate when I am in full mood of giving some time for my most favorite hobby ‘eating’. For some people like me, chewing is the only exercise we perform with a heart full of dedication towards it.

I remember the first day of my college when my father and I went to mess first time. Well that day itself I decided to avoid coming at this SACRED place. All of you already know the condition of mess food so let us don’t waste our time with that and start with the points HOW TO MESS WITH MESS?

>If you don’t like an item getting served more often in a week. Start gossiping around how eating this item so much causes IMPOTENCY.

>Take T-shirts with you, if some item is limited (good items are always limited) change the Tee and get it again.

>Always talk loud in mess, try catching attention of people. Now start bitching about mess manager.

>Eat too much outside, get a stomach upset. Now blame mess food to be the reason.

>Take your pet/stray animal inside the mess. If somebody opposes threaten them that you will call PETA people.

>Take a cockroach or iron nail with you. Suddenly while taking food start shouting that you found it in the food.

>Throw plates here and there and make noise. Tell them this is sound therapy, which helps in increasing your appetite.

>Take an erotic sound track and play it loud (nobody will come this time to oppose you :P).

>Spread a rumor that cook doesn’t wash his hand after using toilet. Try making a fake video.

>Take a friend from other campus, make him act like a food and health officer. Try making money by throwing fines on mess manager.

>Call for a Mass Mess Bunk.

>Buy some rotten tomatoes and eggs from outside, go secretly in the store room and take pictures like they were there only. Post these pictures on notice board and copy to director.

>Run here and there inside the mess making weird sounds. Tell this advised by a doctor for digestion.

>During night paint the walls of mess with lots of abuses. Next day behave you hate the person who did that.

>Scream! Behave as you are about to die due to food chocked inside.

>Take a bottle fill it with water of swimming pool. Now send it as a sample of cooking water to food and health organization of your city.

>Reach mess early. Add lot of salt to the worst items.

>Accuse mess manager to be a black magician, who controls the students by adding something in their food.

>Turn off the power supply to mess, throw away the fuse.

>Chose the table with a person having jar of pickle. Serve lot of pickle in your plate. It will be better if you don’t know the person because he will not say anything. Try out with different people each time.

I have observed many people eating mess food and glorifying it. Number of students visiting this place increases exponentially   during exams. In fact I see some new faces whenever during these days. Thus sometimes causes shortage causes shortage as well (O.o ).
Anyway I myself respect food a lot. There are many unprivileged people who do not even get any food to eat. So disrespecting the food is a sin in my eyes. So I have decided to reduce my visits to mess to avoid any more sin.
If you have some more points please share as comments, I will be grateful to you. :)

50 Fun Things to do at an Exam

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing a pair of birkenstocks, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc..).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink).
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FROM ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out, too) and staple them to the exam with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks".
found this on http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/212.html