That damn cow dung....

While coming out of the bathroom, my eyes went towards a mirror and I stopped for a while to look into it. I saw the pimple marks on my face. Damn, they aren’t fading away. Anyway, I walked into my room and sat on the bed facing a wall. I noticed the dirty marks on it appeared to be made because of the cello tape used by predecessors of this room. I thought isn’t it a normal phenomenon that even a single smallest stain on a white bedsheet attracts more attention than rest of the whiteness.  Does that small stain really ruins the purity of the whole damn bedsheet? Then I was hit by the idea that don’t we have a habit of pointing out every possible bad in things rather than appreciating rest of the good in them. We all do it, I was doing it for so long but realized today. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if each one of us learn to appreciate the good in each other rather than fighting over the bad or things which appears unpleasant to us? Here I got the solution to some of my problems related to dealing with a few people living around me.

I had already started to think about making peace with them but then I started cursing my luck for getting stuck in such a place. But then I thought about its benefits too. It seems God was too merciful today. What happened was, all these reminded me of a lesson given by my mother. Once we were preparing some food items for my birthday party and she said while putting sugar in kheer, “You cook ten items but even if one item goes wrong your hard work for rest of the 9 items goes in vain too. People will forget to appreciate those rest of nine just because of that one item.”
This keeps happening in our lives too. We might have hundreds of things and reasons to be happy for, but we keep cursing our circumstances and luck just for not having one thing and make ourselves sad. Got my lesson number two for the day. Now it was becoming too much for me and it was raining outside so I took my umbrella and decided to have a walk through the hostel area. I saw an Indian Roller taking a flight near Lapis, magnificent it was.Saw some other birds too, as during this time of year, a lot of birds migrate here to spend winter. You can find full list and details here http://bit.ly/Tr3K74. I was lost in the beauty of nature and suddenly felt something slippery under my foot. SHIT, I stepped on cow dung.

                                                                    An Indian Roller

उड़ चला वो आसमाँ की ओर.......

Thought and written with a perspective of a girl, who was talented but was deprived of freedom due to social orthodox........

 

आँखे खुली मेरी जब देखा मैने आसमाँ की ओर

कुछ तो अलग सा था वहा, नही दिखा कोई और छोर|

स्वच्छन्द रूप से उड़ते परिंदे, मैने उड़ते देखे थे,

मैं भी उड़ पाओगी एक दिन, ऐसे सपने देखे थे|

होश संभाला जब से मैने, खुद को घिरा हुआ सा पाया,

फ़र्क है कुछ मुझमे और भाई में, ऐसा मैने पाया|

खेलता था जब वो पार्क में, मुझे घर रोका जाता था,

चूल्हा चौका ही काम तेरा, मुझे बताया जाता था|

पर माँ थी मेरी बड़ी निराली, कहती थी पढ़ेगी मेरी बेटी,

डॉक्टर बन कर एक दिन लाएगी की कमाई मोटी|

भाई बना मेरा अभियन्ता, पर था असल में बड़ा धपोल,

मैं डॉक्टर तो बन गयी, पर नही समझी समाज के मन का भूगोल|

भाई चला गया विदेश, पैसा खर्च भी बहुत हुआ,

पर नंबर जब मेरा आया, माँ-बाप का फ़ैसला कुछ और हुआ|

 

नही जा सकती तू, घर से बाहर ऐसी बातें बहुत कही,

समाज के है दाएरे, कहती है माँ, बेटी तू समझे क्यो नही?

लड़की है तू, ज़माना है बहुत खराब, कहती है वो घड़ी घड़ी,

अनजान थी मैं भी, नही दिखी अदृश्य बेड़िया पैरो में पड़ी |

फ़ायदा क्या उस आज़ादी का जिसमे स्वंतंत्रता  नही,

कहते है हम खुद को नये ज़माने का पर संकुचित ह मानसिकता वही|

आज फिर आँख खुली है, देखा मैने जीवन की ओर,

में काबिल होकर भी हूँ घर में,और उड़ चला वो आसमाँ की ओर|

Something that burns...

That wasn't a question I asked,
that was an expression and
I never expected a reply.
I just expressed what I felt,
but to accept that you denied.

I know I hurted you a lot, I lied to you
but believe me, my intentions were never bad.
Hatred inside you, I ignited
but the one who is burning is me.

I tried hating you back too but
I am failed to that either.
I am your culprit and
I am your victim too.

Don't burn me with your hatred,
nothing you will gain.
But my fear is that when you will know the truth
you will not be able to tolerate the pain.

The Gardener

This is my first attempt to write a short story......

While standing outside a huge mansion, he was staring that tree from a long time. Seem to be lost in memories, he was having no expression on his face.  In my eyes, that tree doesn’t have anything special besides having good number of leaves and some fruits too.  But I was anxious about that man and asked him about his state.  He was silent for a while, took a deep breath and was silenced again. This has fired up my anxiety and made me to ask him again.
He replied “this is a mango tree.  Do you know what is so special about a mango tree?”
I said “it gives mango what else?”
He laughed mysteriously and said, “mango tree takes a long time to give first yield of fruits, it grows, expand and then after few years it starts its outpour of sweetness.”
I felt this isn’t about some botanical features of trees as he was a gardener by profession, but something related to his emotions. I knew him quite well as he used to come at our house fortnightly to trim grass and other plants.  I asked him, “is there something which you are hiding Kaka?”
He was again silent for a while and then asked me, “do you really have time to listen?” I nodded.

He started pointing towards the mansion, “once there was time, when I used to be a gardener in that mansion.  Those people liked me and my work a lot. I have worked there since this mansion was built and there were no big standing trees, flower beds and green mats of grass. I worked hard to develop this garden of my dreams.” He stopped again but this time with two drops of water under his eyes.
 

He continued, ”a time came when owner became bankrupt and had nothing to pay for my work, but I always saw this garden as my child thus I worked there without wages. Days changed, and my dream was taking a shape in the real world, owner earned a big profit that season and gave me my salary with bonus. ”.

His voice was becoming heavy but he again started, ”one day owner said to me that he always wanted to have a mango tree in his garden which can give delicious mangoes and shade to his children during summer. Cuckoos and other birds and sit on that tree and sing melodies of nature.  I was excited too. But later I was disappointed as soil was not at all suitable for a mango tree. But I saw in his eyes a dream and I made it my ambition. And that day I planted a mango seed.” He looked back at tree, and then at sky and then back in my eyes. I felt a cold wave shivering me when he did that.

He continued, “a day came when the first two small leaves with a small stem came out from that hopeless ground”. He smiled and started, ”that day I was very happy and started taking care of that plant with lots of enthusiasm as I was heading towards fulfilling my masters dream. That plant was like my own child. Days, weeks, and months passed and plant has grown up to my waist.”

He looked at me, thought of something and started moving towards a nearby shop. By this time, I was convinced of the fact that there is really something which is pricking in this old man’s heart. I asked him to complete, but he said he will do it on a cost if I promise him that I will never share this story with anyone. Keeping my fingers crossed I promised him. He asked me to come next day in the evening. I smiled back and came to home. I couldn’t sleep that night as I was amazed that what it could be which is bothering him so much. With lots of questions and thoughts in my mind I slept that night.

Next evening, I ran to his house to listen the whole story but he wasn’t there. His wife told that he didn’t come back from his work yet. She was worried too. Suddenly she got a call from nearby hospital that her husband met an accident and is in a serious condition. We ran toward that hospital. He had a major injury on his head, which has caused his half of the body to get paralyzed. He asked me to come near to him. He said that he will complete his promise before dying and laughed. I felt guilty with his laughter, as I thought that he must be thinking I must have come to visit him in the hospital just to know the story.
He started whispering slowly, “once I did a huge mistake, I trimmed a very costly grass plantation roughly which had made that plantation to get completely dried. It was surely my fault because I was doing it quite carelessly as my whole consciousness was on that mango plant those days. I felt guilty for it, however my master had already forgiven me but still I was drowning in the ocean of guilt as for him it was just a garden but for me It was my dream growing on mother earth. Don’t know why but I left the job and came back to village. I didn’t do gardening since then.”
This made me reminded the day, when Kaka suddenly went to his village some years ago and didn’t come back for a long time.
    

I started paying attention to his words again but missed some part of them which must been talking about his stay in village without work,” ……I came to city again but unable to start gardening again. Years passed, I changed my occupation many times but inside I still had a heart of a gardener. One day while passing through that mansion I felt numb, I saw that small plant has grown up into a big and strong tree. I was happy and sad, happy because that tree was my child, sad because I abandoned that child in a very delicate state. I never had child ever as my wife couldn’t bear one, I always saw my own child in that plant and one day I suddenly abandoned my own child.” I could see the tears flooding from his small eyes, he continued after a pause,” That child has grown into such a big tree standing tall with dense leaves, strong branches, and loaded with fruits. I wanted to run inside the garden and embrace him but……………..”
Suddenly I heard a long beep and then it was silence, a long and cold silence. I can remember just some cries after that.

We all sow a tree in form of our dream. We water it with our efforts and hard work. But often due to some circumstances we try to run away from ourselves and in that run we forget about the plant which we left uncared. When we come back and find somebody else had taken that opportunity to build that dream into reality and enjoying the fruits, we just stare at that tree with guilt and regrets in our heart. Never leave your dream alone, never.